my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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