I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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