can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
