I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
