The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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