just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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