she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
