get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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