He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
