so explain again why im purple
no
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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