she looked like the bat from fern gully.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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