do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
