I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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