Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
