I could make wine with my vomit
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
