so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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