1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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