could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
