she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
