Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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