I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
