i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
