So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
