you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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