she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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