You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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