How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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