24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
