can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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