Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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