Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
