I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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