At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
