the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
