I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
