I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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