sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
