you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
