I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
