I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
