You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Boobs speak an international language.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
