Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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