I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
