somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
