That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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