i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
