I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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