I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize