In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
