Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize