theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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