Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
