now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
