ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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