This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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