We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
