I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
