oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
