did you get engaged???
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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