We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
