And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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