I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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