I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
