watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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