At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
