And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
