You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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