i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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