i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Randomize
