I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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